Friends helping Friends

Column headline (pg A17) in LA TIMES

For a year, wild pigs in Honolulu to be hunted

Wild pigs were heard screaming at the news and people are worried that there might be a retaliation.

Eagle pair attack paraglider in flight.

Britain's top female paraguilder was attacked by a pair of eagles 8,200 feet above ground in Australia. Nicky Moss, 38, watched, terrified, as the birds began tearing into her parachute canopy. She claims she heard them making strange noises....noises that sounded like the words "save the pigs."

GLobal warming called "runaway train" by UN panel

Members of the U.N.'s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) warned that strange quirks of nature could start developing, due to the climate change. One of the things they warned about was NON-HUMAN INTER SPECIES ABNORMAL RESPONSE (NHIAR) to human activity. The panel reported that animals, knowing that humans were moving towards extinction, might want to protect their futures by taking matters into their own paws or claws or horns or snouts.

Rumors have been circulating that the Sting Ray who attacked and murdered Steve Irwin, might have been one of the first NHIAR incidents on record. Officials from the Cousteau Society have been investigating the facts of the case for the last few months. They are being very careful not to upset the pod of killer whales that seems to be patrolling the area.

The owners of Barbaro have issued the following statement to the animal kingdom.....

"Listen, you sons of bitches....we can wipe you out with one bi-plane loaded with enough toxic chemicals to send your entire historic records into...oblivion. We don't give a shit how popular the recent Charlotte's Web movie was....it was a movie....you idiots. Don't be messing with us or you'll all end up like Barbaro....and that's food for thought."

Al Gore says he never wanted to mention the erratic behavior by animals because he figured we had enough crap to worry about.

The pigs in Hawaii are very confused because they've been attending Luau's for a few thousand years, but it's always been a hot underground affair....sort of like...a pig rave.

Hawaii

The price of bacon fell dramatically today....for reasons that are not immediately clear.

At the same time, in an non-related story, the price of an ounce of Maui Wowie went to $100,000 an ounce. Apparently the wild pigs were helping to fertilize the crops.

Michael Timothy McAlevey