Curtain draws on Award Season

I was born in Hollywood.....my first bed being located 5 blocks from Hollywood and Vine....so I feel quite qualified to discuss the strange wonders of show biz.

One of the strangest wonders is how much attention we give to the Actor in our social structure....and it's one thing to idolize personalities that have reached star status, but it's an entirely other thing to take an interest in their internal ass kissing moments.

The Academy Awards is the ultimate internal ass kissing event.

The only people who vote on the awards are Academy members.....and there's always been a question to the actual viewing of a product or a performance....before the vote gets placed.

At least American Idol finalists get selected by voting of the general public....which by the way is one of the greatest financial scams in the history of scams.

EVERY VOTE PLACED COSTS THE VOTER MONEY. I used to think the logo display on shirts, hats and jackets was the best scam....but then the TEXT MESSAGE CHARGES to vote for someone in a contest, that is already reaping millions of dollars, appeared and that's the new absurd winner.

One of the silliest version of this scam is during a sports event.

Example: Local televised Dodger game. Vin Scully ( who I know doesn't want to do it) during the third inning announces the following.... "WHO DO YOU THINK WAS THE BEST PITCHER FOR THE DODGERS....1) SANDY KOUFAX 2) DON DRYSDALE 3) FERNANDO VALENZUELA ....The number appears on the screen.....He then says....normal Text Message fees apply....or phone charges. The NUMBER IS A 900 NUMBER OR A 866 NUMBER.

EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOTES IT COST THEM MONEY AND THE DODGERS MAKE 40% OF THE COST.

THE LAKERS AND THE CLIPPERS ALSO DO IT.....DON'T KNOW ABOUT HOCKEY BUT I'M SURE THEY AREN'T IDIOTS.

EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOTES FOR AN AMERICAN IDOL IT COST THEM MONEY AND AMERICAN IDOL MAKES 40% OF THE COST.

THE NON-FUNNY PART ABOUT THIS SITUATION....IS THAT AMERICAN IDOL SAYS YOU CAN VOTE AS MANY TIMES AS YOU LIKE.

THAT'S SO KIND OF THEM!

Imagine if the ACADEMY went to this type of system.....and allowed TEXT MESSAGE VOTING to determine the winners. They could hold the voting for two months and make enough money to keep the Motion Picture Home in Woodland Hills stocked with food and supplies for the next ten years.

The world of entertainment and sports has always been an important part of our culture....but when it comes to Award shows.....entertainment kicks the crap out of sports. In fact the only sports award show is the ESPY's and nobody has any idea when it happens.

In fact, the entertainment business has done such an incredible job in this area that they have an entire SEASON devoted to it.......AWARDS SEASON.

AWARDS SEASON draws to a close this Sunday with OSCAR standing tall and golden.

I had a dream last night that JACK, CARL and OSCAR had a big shindig. A fight broke out with big nose JACK kicking the crap out of smiling face CARL and OSCAR just stood on the side laughing and drinking Krystal....and standing next to OSCAR was Leonardo, Johnny, Nicole and Penelope.....

93 Million people watched the Super Bowl....35 million people watch American Idol.....my guess is that at least 25 million people will watch the Oscars.

An insane moment would occur if Ellen came on stage and said...." We are conducting a telephone poll and we want to know what movie was your favorite....1) Little Miss Sunshine 2) The Departed 3) Pirates of Caribbean.....Please note....standard Text Messages apply."

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN MADE MORE MONEY THAN ALL THE NOMINATIONS COMBINED....so why not get those customers involved.....there's quite a few of them and the text charges would be considerable....

I'M SO SORRY I EVEN BROUGHT THIS UP.

My predictions.....which are only being offered because I'm tired of bringing up COLONY COLLAPSE DISORDER and silliness is good from time to time.

AND REALLY.....THE OSCARS IS JUST ABOUT THE SILLY THING WE DO IN OUR SOCIETY.

Determining an ACTOR doing a better job than another ACTOR is absolutely RIDICULOUS.

One can easily identify an ACTOR doing a bad job.......but when the level of ability reaches this height....the only thing that separates one from another is the script and the story....and oh yeah, and the moment of who likes who the best....and who wants to kiss whose ass the most.

BEST MOVIE......LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE

BEST DIRECTOR.......MARTIN SCORSESE

BEST ACTOR......FOREST WHITAKER

BEST ACTRESS....QUEEN ELIZABETH

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR......ALAN ARKIN

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS.....ABIGAIL BRESLIN

And I'd go deeper into the awards but I realize that most of my readers have gone off to watch the TIVO of last night's American Idol.

I know one thing.....they haven't gone off to learn about COLONY COLLAPSE DISORDER.

How cool would it be if Forest Whitaker brought it up....."I want to thank the Academy for this award and I suggest that you all learn as much as you can about COLONY COLLAPSE DISORDER....because if you don't, OSCAR will only be important if you can eat it."

And the fact that a story about cannibalism is being celebrated again....just blows my mind.

So during the awards.....another announcement is made.....

"We want to know who you think was the best cannibal of all time.....1) Hannibal Lecter 2) Idi Amin 3) Jeffery Dumar.....Normal Text Message fees apply."

Again....I am so sorry I brought this idea up.....the one thing about Hollywierd.....good ideas do not go unnoticed.....and many horrible ideas become huge projects.

Next year there will be an Award show just for what poll made the American public look the most stupid.

It would be easy because it's all about money and the facts and figures are recorded.

How many times have you placed a call to vote for something that means absolutely nothing in the scheme of things?

Sorry I asked.

Michael Timothy McAlevey