This is IT

12-8-2014

It’s so obvious that I’m doing something extremely wrong
And it can’t be blamed on writing a silly poem or a really stupid song
It’s got to be something that hides behind the façade of my core
I keep pushing the edges of artistic and scientific reality
but I need to do more

 

If I think and concentrate on what I’ve failed to achieve
Than I start to question what I’m supposed to believe
And then it hits me in an area where I just don’t care
Smack dab in the wallet and the large empty air

 

I mean it’s really empty and void of things that I need
A quantum void that thinks my protons should bleed
Something is missing in the program I’ve selected
And it makes me wonder what exactly I’ve neglected

 

I can look at my work and see what I’ve done
But simply doing the work doesn’t create much fun
IF
I can’t even afford to pay my rent
The direction I travel just makes me wonder where I went

 

I came here from there and then moved over to another road
And then I remember what I haven’t been told
Of course one needs coin for the basic supplies
But it can’t be the goal when seeking the spiritual wise

 

Seriously…it’s obvious that I’m doing something wrong
And I wish I could blame it on this stupid poem or song
But it’s bigger
And
it’s stronger
And beats me down every time
There is no money in a white man’s rhyme

 

I hear other’s tell me that I’ve got so much going on
And then I hear those same people say
I hate that song
You are doing something wrong
Please make it short
I’ve got to move along
 

I’ve gotten help from family and friends many times before
But that one big patron
Just hides
Behind an unseen door

 

 And it must be my fault that I can’t find the key

I’d hate to think
That’s its
just
Me
Being
Me

 

That’s not good for keeping a positive point of view

So I always turn it around
And
Blame it on
You

 

Why should you take an interest in what I’m trying to achieve

When you aren’t even sure in what I believe

 

I’m the one not making it perfectly clear

So I’m the one who creates the fear
While asking others to stand and cheer
And that emotional devotional hodgepodge of random semi awareness
Results
In a personal cosmic unfairness

I blame others for not seeing who I am

And who I am
Might not be who I thought I was
And that might be based on
Just
Because

There is no simple answer to the questions I seek

So I dance behind the curtain of the poor and the bleak
I don’t over spend and I don’t throw it away
But when it comes to making money
It’s a game I can’t play

 

I rationalize the poverty by saying look what I’ve done

But after everything is accounted for
It’s not really fun

 

I make beautiful designs with extreme color and flow

and some of them even have a unique type of glow
To ask others to help pay my way is really not my goal
But it keeps playing out that way and it’s hurting my soul

 

If what I make doesn’t pay the rent

Then it’s time to look down the road from where I have went
And stop and question the very nature of my being
Which when one does that it’s to the past one must cling

 

I don’t like the thought of looking back to see where I’ve been

I’d rather go forward and create a new trend
Something that is different in style and design
A unique way of maneuvering between the walls of mind

 

BUT WTF

 

It’s so obvious that I’m doing something wrong
And it can’t be blamed on writing a silly poem or a stupid song
It’s got to be something that hides behind the façade of my basic core

I keep pushing the edges of a not so obvious reality
but it’s perfectly and wonderfully clear
that
I
need

to

do

more